1. Complete and utter household chaos. I used to be very neat and organized in my youth. I absolutely hated things to be out of place. I loved having my own apartment because I knew that when I came home at the end of the day, everything would be just as I had left it. With children, organization and control are impossible. It’s like a tornado hits your living spaces 3 times a day. Tidying up will last you 24 hrs at best. You just stop caring and leave things as they lie. Your friends just need to accept it. Period.

2. You will find toys where they don’t belong. Sometimes in pots and pans, sometimes in the toilet. On the same note, you will find food in places that they shouldn’t be. Sometimes they have been there for longer than you care to know. Who knows? That grilled cheese sandwich that you gave your 3 year old last week that you thought she finished… could very well be in her doll chest at the foot of her bed. Oh and I’ve made cheese from whole milk in a sippy before. I didn’t even know it was possible or even that I was trying. Discovering it was a surprise to me.

3. Double dipping? Whatever. I eat kids leftovers all the time now. At a microscopic level, their saliva has been breaking down that food since we started eating. By the time I get to it, I’m sure it’s halfway digested already. Ewww. I know.

4. Kids will struggle to eat things off of a plate but have no qualms with eating things right off the floor… No matter what it looks like or how long it’s been there. I’ve pulled a struggling beetle from my sons mouth. I was not happy… I’m sure the beetle wasn’t either. And my son was rather displeased that I stole his snack.

5. 75% of the time I go to work with stains on my shirts whether it be food, saliva, snot or what have you. I used to try and wipe some of them off in the restroom at work but have since given up. I’m a parent. I have stained clothes. I’m considering filling up my closet with plaid shirts because they tend to hide all sorts of stains.

6. Changing poopie diapers. Yes I said poopie. Actually worse than that is cleaning out poopie cloth diapers to prep them for the wash. That is not fun… at all.

7. Sicknesses will last weeks as opposed to days. It’s not because the bacteria or virus is any stronger, it’s just that we all are passing it back and forth in the family as well as getting different mutated versions from daycare. It’s like a never ending cycle.

8. Cost of daycare. If you have kids in daycare, you know what I’m talking about. I’m sporting 2 kids in daycare. If you don’t have any kids, consider this. It’s like paying a monthly mortgage bill… and not having a house to show for it.

9. Excessive food cleanup. I remember when cleaning up after dinner meant pre-rinsing the dishes to put them in the dishwasher. For two people that’s not that much. Now it’s a one hour+ ordeal. Sometimes I wonder if the kids ate anything at all considering the amount of food schmeared all over the table and booster chair.

10. Being (unfashionably) late to pretty much everything. Whether you are on schedule or even early in preparing, inevitably there will be a catastrophe right before you need to leave. Things like blowouts or my 3 year old needing to go to the potty NOW. Perhaps there may even be a sippy failure. It can happen, and it does.

11. Piles of clean laundry. I hate doing laundry in general but I used to deal. Now I swear every day a full load is created. How is this even possible? Aren’t kids clothes smaller than adult clothes? Does it really only take a single day to fill up an entire load for the wash? Then you have to dry and fold and put away. I won’t lie. The guest bed is actually a place to put all the clean unfolded laundry. It’s big enough to hide a body under right now. I don’t know what’s scarier. The fact that there is such a big pile of laundry on the guest bed… or that there could actually be a body under there.